The point of the Lyttle Lytton Contest is to write the most horribly funny opening line to a book that you can in 25 words or less. It's a spin-off of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, which has the same aim, but without the word limit.
Here are some of the better ones that I came up with. You'll probably notice that I reused a few gags, trying to make the most out of them, particularly dental hygine.- "In the year 2843, halitosis was finally defeated," read the memorial plaque.
- His attempt to woo her failed like a poorly constructed simile falling, metaphorically, on its anthropomorphised face, because similes can't fall and don't have faces.
- Call me Ishmael; though most people call me "Sack," on account of my last name, Sakariassen, which I hate, so please call me Ishmael, jerk.
- Dental hygine had always been of utmost importance to Cynthia, but tonight she just didn't feel like flossing.
- Once upon a time, in the year 2374, people will no longer need to brush their teeth.
- "Think of the children!" screeched a pundit on cable news, and Herman, getting ready for bed, was, indeed, thinking of the children.
- It was the last hour of the first day of the rest of her life as a copyright lawyer, for about another 15 minutes.
- Lurching forward, the Segways knowingly setting in motion the people, but unknowingly the events to proceed, proceeded to move forward.
- The chicken or the egg: Andrew knew which came first, but it simply didn't matter anymore.
- So first off I gotta say hello to all my peeps back in the 701 lol and of course to jesus christ i love you!
- Night was, metaphorically, falling.
- There are those in the blogosphere community that would rather I not relate the events of June 30, 2004: the last day of that month.
- Jim (which is the name of our hero (aged 34 (male (single)))) liked holidays (espessicaly Arbor Day (the day of our story)).
-Seth